Cross-cultural marriage is quite confusing at times. There are some day to day behavior that were unspoken, assumed and taken for granted. Just look at our dining table. Many things happened during meal time that caused us frustration and pushed us to reevaluate our assumptions and values so we can live harmoniously. For instance, Arabs main carbohydrates are pita bread , unleavened bread, and paper thin bread (shraak). Chinese main carbohydrates are steamed rice or noodles. Looking back, we were so adventurous and gracious. I would contend myself with bread for dinner and then would sneak up for the leftover rice or noodles. My husband will do the same, feasting on a Chinese supper only to find himself longing for bread and yogurt at midnight. So for over nine years of marriage, we both learned to fix our own dinner according to our preferences. Being married to an Arab made me realize how uncomplicated a meal can possibly be: bread, yogurt, zaatar (thyme mixture) and olives oil. The Chinese way involved time consuming preparation and cooking unless we opted for dine out.
One of the cultural thing I've wished that I have known is this: there is no definite mealtime in the Arab land. Locals usually eat after work which is about 3 o'clock or 4 or 5. Maybe at 2pm on Fridays or weekend. Oh, there is no telling! It also meant that it's a heavy late lunch or an early dinner, then no more after that. This is the general feel and some household may differ from it. What I appreciate is the meal structure during the month long Ramadan. Every household member definitely gather for a big supper/Iftar after sunset's call for prayer.
Another detail that I wished I've known about is the table setup. There is no table set up in the villages!!! What I mean is that they would sit on the thin mattresses on the floor and set up their platters on the floor then gather around the food. This is advantageous because it can be flexible to accommodate a big family and guests. What a contrast to a structured Chinese table where everyone, especially the head of the family, has a specific place of prestige in the dining table! So without this knowledge, I was very frustrated on the first year of our marriage. Why? Because I insisted on a dining table set up specifically for a place called "mine" and "yours" and my husband insisted otherwise. Now that I experienced the natural seating arrangements in his upbringing, I relented. Sort of.
To this day, our house is a fusion when it comes to the family meal. Surely, I still insist that my Bedouin background husband sit and eat on the dining table- oh, please not the couch nor the floor, habebe. On the other hand, I followed the non- structured setup whenever I visit the village house. We would dine in the hallway when we need cool breeze on summer or in the sitting room when we need privacy or heat. There no seat plan and literally no chairs but I am now at peace with that. Lunch time is somewhere between 12 o'clock to 4 o'clock and we find ourselves eating together or separately depending on our work and availability. My kids would choose to have dinner like their baba's then they will change their mind and have something like mama's. They have the best of two worlds, I must say. In the end I think compromise is the key. It unlocks the chain of misunderstanding and rigidity. It opened the door for possible fusion from confusion.
